Richard Blumenthal and Joe Courtney could almost be Brewster’s poster boys. But not quite. At this point in their careers, they are giving $500 worth of law for their party and $5 to their clients, if we’re lucky.

Are there alternatives to Joe and Dick? Glad you asked. As of the Republican convention this past weekend, the citizens have a choice between Joe Courtney and Mike France. In August, they will have an alternative to Dick, but it won’t matter which of the Republicans wins the primary, because they’re all better than he.

So, let’s consider the race that started this weekend. First, Courtney. Well, Joe is the bag man for Connecticut’s DC candy. Then he writes a letter to tell us to come and get it. Seems kinda boring. I hope he gets to pick the flavors, but I suspect not. Otherwise, Joe helps Blumenthal try to nationalize voting. Their pristine copies of the Constitution went missing years ago, but neither of them seems to have noticed.

Let’s take a look at France. While Courtney braved paper cuts in law school and his office, Mike France served in the submarine force. It’s a tough job and a dangerous job, even in peacetime. Being away from home and family for months is only the tip of the iceberg. As more information is declassified, we’ve learned about narrow misses between enemy submarines and ours and sweating out the last few minutes before the stand down order. There’s more, but you get the point. A submariner has to be disciplined, analytical, able to solve problems under pressure, and have an innovative turn of mind. The Navy chose Mike for those abilities and engineering school trained him in the specifics.

Returning to Joe and Dick, it’s time for them to pack their tired old ideas into the bug and go home. Let me reassure the softhearted among us. Both of them have plenty of money, and their party has made sure that they will have lots of unemployed company to hang with. One word of advice: don’t hog the remote, guys. Nowadays, you can watch one show and record another. Absolutely no reason to miss Gilligan’s Island, because Green Acres is on. One caveat; however. Please, learn how to change the battery. I’d hate to think of you staring at the same old program for the rest of your lives.