Major Scientific Study Reveals That Facts Are Annoying
Photo: William Iven
Recently, the spokesperson for the International Institute of Inquiring Minds announced its findings that 90% of the Earth’s population believes that factual information is annoying.
“I was flabbergasted,” remarked one of the researchers, “to learn that the majority of people dislikes – one might even say loathes – facts, but most people stated that facts impede their thinking; especially their analytical reasoning.”
“It’s amazing,” said statistical analyst Wendy Johnson. “Culture, age, race, gender, nationality, political affiliation, occupation, level of education – none of these categories makes a difference. Across the board almost everyone hates facts.”
Many scientists, however, have expressed reservations about the study. “I’m not interested in looking at the Institute’s results,” Dr. Symth-smith told this reporter in a telephone interview early this morning. “I have no interest in wasting hours reviewing statistics that I already feel are wrong.” When told that lead researcher of the international study, Dr. smith-Symth, called the results “very compelling,” Symth-smith retorted, “That’s just one more of the many things that distinguishes us.”
Only France and North Korea did not participate in the international research project. The French government initially agreed to take part, but sent armed guards to turn back researchers at the Charles De Gaulle Airport when it was learned that the entire study would not be conducted in French. The North Korean effort was abruptly cancelled because the majority of test subjects was too hungry to concentrate.
The glaring examples of France and North Korea highlighted Iran’s eager participation in the project. In a public statement issued on the morning of the the Institute’s scheduled press conference, a smiling representative of the government said that: “We are eager to hear the research findings. Maybe now we’ll understand why some people stubbornly continue to believe in the Holocaust.”
This morning, a spokesperson for the Institute announced that negotiations with officials in Tehran for the release of the researchers seemed promising.
(This may be a satire, but the copyright is serious. Jan Schenk Grosskopf)